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Posted on June 2, 2012 by
on the road at
Tommie meets Frieda love a scratch Frieda Chasings wheres the ball Love the mud-1 Love the mud-2 Frieda & Sally Making new friends crashing the dog walkers group current photos »


When you are a dog, the hard thing with writing for humans is to find some common ground. How do I make this story sound interesting for a human? Do they really care what I write?

Humans are a lot more complex than dogs so I have to stretch my brain so that my story make sense to you. Dad says I have to build a back story but I don't know anything about physiotherapy.

Humans also have bigger brains than dogs and can even make television shows about other humans who are really fat and have to lose weight. Incredible!

If I was writing for dogs then "I got up this morning and had dog pellets and then I went for a sniff" would be a best seller.

If my readers were kelpies or labradors, especially Labs because whenever you mention food you've got them hooked, they would be glued to their dog beds waiting for what happened next.

Their minds would be racing with questions like were the pellets good even though they were fat-reduced? Had any other dog done a wee on your smells and if so, did you wee on them again? I could string that opening out for ever.

I know dogs love a good mystery so I could say something like "I had never been to this place and the smells were like nothing I'd ever smelt before". They would be beside themselves with excitement, especially the sniffers like dachshunds or beagles.

But with humans I wouldn't be able to say 'smell' twice in one sentence like I just did. I have to find another word for it. Dogs couldn't care less if every second word was smell because you can't get enough smells even when they are just words on a page.

Anyway. We are off today. I am now Tommie the Road Dog. I've got my new coat and I need it. I've got my Dad and he needs me. I met a new friend called Frieda at Centennial Park the other day and she promised to write to me. I have photos of her with her mum, Sally. I met a lot of other dogs too and crashed a dog walkers group and played in the mud with Frieda.

A woman emailed me the other day - well she really emailed Dad because he still won't give me the email password - to say that she always reads me first. Another woman said the same thing and she is a psychologist. So I can't be doing too much wrong.

Sometimes I think that humans might be more like dogs than they think.

Woof woof

Tommie xx

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Dear Tommie I cherished our time together. It was fleeting but soooo meaningful. I have asked Mum to frame the photo of the two of us so I can hang it on my kennel. I am saving my best bone for your return. A big lick and tail wag, Frieda xxxx
Woof Frieda. It was a special meeting. Your mum was worried that we wouldn't get on but we clicked didn't we. Maybe its because we are both rescue dogs huh! Look forward to the bone. woof woof Tommie
Your bum stinks.
Woof .. yes I know. It's great isn't it. T
Whiff! whiff! Tommie blissssssss love sally from heaven
Woof Rowdy and Sally... I am sleeping by the fire tonight. Its great. Woof
Hey, Tommie. Frieda looks gorgeous. I'd fuck her myself given half the chance!
I'd like to formally apologize for the above comment. Alynn has worked in theatre all his natural and unnatural life and is unaware of the sensibilities of normal people. I have issued him with a CODE VIOLATION WARNING but it won't work. He has a form of Terretes.
Fuck the sensibilities of 'normal' people. I don't have 'a' form of Tourettes, I have the best form, where I can turn the air purple and people laugh because they think I'm just kidding. Idiots. They'll be sorry. Now that I'm semi retired, the Opera House is thinking of marketing me in a special role running Abuse Tours, called 'Tour(ettes)', and Abuse Ushering, called 'Get Inside Now and Sit-the-Fuck Down, Madam', where people will pay a special premium to get the rough side of my tongue.
I rest my case. That's the second SWAG VIOLATION WARNING.
Hi Tommie what do you do when you see a cat? meow!
Actually I am brave with horses and bulls but cats scare the livin b jesus out of me. Woof Wendy Tommie