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eSwag37

THE NIGHT LINDA JAIVIN DROPPED ME

Posted on May 10, 2013 by
Raymond
on the road at

 

Well it wasn't really "dropped" but it sure felt like it. Technically you can't be dropped until youv'e been picked up. And anyway it was me doing the "picking up" or trying to at least. Whatever it was it was a disaster.

Firstly let me tell you who Linda Jaivin is. Publishers describe her as the author of five bestselling novels and a novella, most of which have been published internationally, including the comic-erotic cult classic Eat Me. That's one way of putting it I guess. The other way, to paraphrase the The Life of Brian, is she's just a very naughty girl.

From all accounts Eat Me would make your hair stand on end. The blurb on her book says:

Linda Jaivin invites readers to partake of a lusty banquet of conversations about that hottest topic of all--sex. The talk is served up in various trendy cafés by a foursome of bright, successful women: Julia, a photographer with a penchant for Peking duck and acrobatic men; Chantal, a fashion magazine editor, whose sexual exploits give new meaning to "mixing and matching"; Helen, a feminist scholar, whose wholesome demeanor belies her exotic sexual fantasies; and Philippa, a writer who appears to be taking rather close notes on her friends' raunchy tales ....This outspoken, outrageous, utterly irresistible debut is destined to be the most talked about book of the year.

We met at the Lord Dudley Hotel with another writer and the topic came around to her facilitating an erotic/romantic writing workshop in a beautiful little Blue Mountains town of Mt Wilson.

Now sometimes you just know you are on fire. The hair is just right, the eyes are all "bedroomy", the light is flattering, your jeans seem to be holding you in an understated, confident way that Richard Gere could only dream about these days. I felt good. REAL GOOD! I felt in fact, as we Australians so charmingly put it, I was in like Flynn.

After describing the beauty of the little town of Mt Wilson, the way the leaves turn golden in autumn, the lovely fireplaces that would crackle in the night, the romantic concept behind the workshop itself, I ventured confidently into the next step of the inexorable seduction dance - PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO COME AND HAVE A LOOK AT THE PLACE SOMETIME.

Sometime mind you. Not ... are you available next weekend .. or even next month. No ... sometime .. anytime actually. That's what really hurt when she said "No ... I am very busy at the moment"

The "moment" - I wasn't talking about the moment. I was talking about some point in an unspecified future that rolls into infinity with nothing really penciled in.

It's one thing being rejected but being rejected by someone famous who writes erotic books is in another dimension of rejection. Especially when the whole sordid event was witnessed by a friend who was also famous. It was like a conspiracy of famous people.

Perhaps I am being a little sensitive. Perhaps I read too much into it but we all know I didn't. You know when someone is choosing a chocolate, their hand hovering over the nougats and the caramel creams. I felt like the one that wasn't picked. The last chocolate in the tray, even after all the hard ones and jellies that everyone hates had been greedily snapped up.

Anyway, given this blog like just about everything else in the world is read by 99% women, I thought it might be good to tell some men stories. I'll call them A Letter from Mars. This is the first. They will be told at painful intervals as I become emotionally capable of digging up traumatic events such as this - THE NIGHT LINDA JAIVIN DROPPED ME.

PS. Linda's Website - www.lindajaivin.com.au

 

 

 

 

Comments
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tersia du toit
Reply
Well, as I am not interested in those kind of books, I can't be accused of being disloyal to the Electronic Swagman! She must be biting her knuckles today, and good!
Raymond
Reply
Absolutely .. what a missed opportunity.
lorie
Reply
well that was sorta tragic lol not. her loss
Raymond
Reply
You are sooooo right.
Anne Looby
Reply
What a discerning and intelligent woman she must be not to fall for your bedroomy eyes. She had probably heard what a heart breaker you are and her bad boy radar was going crazy with warning signals. A
Raymond
Reply
Yes - either that or she has no taste. I think its the later.
SwaggyPatty
Reply
No worries Raymond, you'd have women falling all over themselves for an invite like that now!
Jutta Gläser-Ziemendorf
Reply
Seems it´s her loss! Sometimes women aren´t sesitive at all, especially when they´ve got too much work on their minds! That was probably the case here! As I said - her loss! She most probably regrets it now! Take heart, there are heaps of women who would like to zake you up on your offer, I guess! And it´s important whether they are nice and lovelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll 
trisha wilson
Reply
Hi raymond, having spent a glorious time on a Desert Artists trip, she just doesn't know what she's missing. Reckon she must have chosen the caramel cream and not the nougat...her loss!
Raymond
Reply
I always knew you had taste Trisha.
Linda Jaivin
Reply
Raymond, you are hilarious. Just don't tell all the tut-tutters about that little bed at the top of your campervan... you won't be able to fit them all in there. You know I love you.
Raymond
Reply
Too late now Linda. You could have had it ALL. The pop up tent on top of my camper, the portaloo .. yep - The LOT. Id still like to do that erotic writing workshop with you. It would be standing room only. 
Linda Jaivin
Reply
Alas, the pop-up tent, the portaloo - these will have to remain the stuff of dreams. Yes, of course we must do that workshop! But you may need to assure your fans that when that popped out of my mouth, our howls of laughter were bouncing off the rafters of the Lord Dudley for at least an hour afterwards as you and Genuinely Famous Person ragged me out mercilessly for the gaffe. Otherwise, in their state of high dudgeon, they may boycott the event. Then it could really be just you and me and that log fire...
Raymond
Reply
You WISH - I would love to do the workshop. It would be standing room only, if only to see if I got finally got lucky. 
Barbara
Reply
What made me laugh is that you ever thought you would be 'in like Flynn'. Not going to happen Ray. Even though you are gorgeous. xx
Raymond
Reply
Hey Barb - its my FIRST knockback! EVER!