Story Archive

eSwag-6

BUTT NAKED IN MORGAN

Posted on March 4, 2012 by
The Electronic Swagman
on the road at
Morgan South Australia

 

 

When I rolled into the little town of Morgan, all I wanted was a Cornish pasty. Then it was so tasty all I wanted was another one. That meant I stayed in the bakery long enough to meet Joe.

After all the recent rain the first question on everyones lips out here is when the Murray River will break its banks.

How we got from there to the gross injustice of gay men being able to show their bums in public when Joe can't I don't know.

The Mardi Gras had been on television the night before and that may have put it at the top of Joe's mind.

"If you or I walked down the street with a bare arse we'd be arrested."

He's probably right, although I couldn't ascertain whether he actually wanted to walk down the main street of Morgan with his bum showing or not. If he did then I guess he had a point.

He had others as well. "It's a race between the Muslims and the poofters to see who takes over." He counted off the gay Members of Parliament by way of proving his point.

"Brown's one, Wong's one, that Billy MacMahon was one."

Anthony Albanese, recently lauded for his dignified stance over the leadership struggle, "is one."

"I don't think so" I said. "Yep, he was marching last night" countered Joe authoritatively.

My laptop was already out so within a minute we were googling "Is Anthony Albanese gay?"

Joe looked anxiously over my shoulder seeking further vindication. Turns out he "isn't one" but he supports them which is "just as bad" according to Joe.

Here's the dilemma. Should I tell him that just because I drive a troopie with a swag on top and I've got a dingo/cattle dog doesn't mean I am not "one of them". Didn't they get the Village People out here?

Or, do I just listen? Is there any point in arguing?

Tom goes up to him for a pat and immediately Joe says "he's got a lot of dingo in him."

Little did he know Tom spends most of his time in dog parks trying to mount other males. I have often thought he could be "one of them".

Anyway, turns out Joe had a full blood dingo when he was a stockman in the Northern Territory. He found him as a pup and loved him deeply.

"Best dog I ever had."

"I heard that dingos never bond with humans. Is that true?" I ask.

"That's bullshit. Everyone responds to love".

I tried to dislike Joe on ethical grounds, but I couldn't. I have experienced this before with people who actually liked John Howard.

Cornish pasty finished I said goodbye to him, unsure of whether I should suggest we walk butt-naked up the street as an act of defiance against the inequity of it all.

Something like "Come on Joe you old queen, you know you want to."

Once upon a time I would have. Those were days. I got punched a lot though.

c ya

Raymond

PS. Tommie writes about our trip in his amateurish way in eDogBlog-5

Comments
Post Comment
annielooby
Reply
Brilliant Raymond. Great laugh and the photo is a classic... says it all really. Annie
Raymond
Reply
Hey Annie ... He did make me laugh. Raymond
Julie slade
Reply
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... you gotta just love the way some people think !would have loved to have seen the look on your face Raymond.
Raymond
Reply
Hi Julie. I was genuinely having a great time. He was hilarious. Rx
Rosa
Reply
I am pretty sure my Sinbad is 'one of them' as well. He and my daughter's dog, Charlie, are very, 'very' good friends.
Raymond
Reply
Not that there's anything wrong with it. Raymond xx
cecilia
Reply
Ahh, you gotta love them - and agree with them -always. They are the ones who pull your car out of the mud when you're bogged and let you in on local gossip. As he said: "Everyone responds to love." May be needed a hug... :) Love the photo. He may be mayor of Morgan one day!
Raymond
Reply
Hi Cecilia I did really like him. He loved his dogs and used to have a pet hippo up in the territory. He is EXACTLY the kind of person you want when you are in trouble out here. I never actually agreed with him. I just laughed and wondered if he really did want to walk buck naked down the street. Since then I have met some great characters in Hay. There is so much to write about. I am now in little town called Deniliquin breakfasting at the Dublin Cafe. Thanks for commenting. Raymond.
Heather
Reply
Thanks for that bright moment in the day. Your sense of humour really is a treat, especially as I am attending the Adelaide Writers' Week this week which is interesting and has its wonderful moments but I haven't heard much laughter, as everyone gets so caught up with being cerebral. I had to struggle to subdue my laughter when I read your post as I am using the computer in the library! Thanks again.
Raymond
Reply
It was so funny. It was like he was writing my blog for me. I didn't have to do a thing. I still can't believe I was googling - Is Anthony Albanese gay? Have fun at the Festival. I am jealous. Raymond x
Alynn
Reply
OMG! If only I'd been there ... I could have got us into so much trouble ...!
Raymond
Reply
Hi Alynn It would have been brilliant. You could have played it straight for once in your life.cya Raymond PS. Alynn is a friend of mine and is definitely "one of them."
Alynn (aka The Grumpy Old Poof)
Reply
What Raymond doesn't tell you all is that, despite being 'a gentleman of the second declension', I'm considerably more butch than he is! (Not that that's all that difficult, of course.) XX
Raymond
Reply
The Grumpy Old Poof is absolutely right. A strange part of me was proud of the assumption I wasn't gay.[not that there anything wrong with it] It's never happened before. Something about the creative demeanour and the speech lessons mum sent me to so I wouldn't sound like I was from the slums, which I was, have always given me a certain sexual duality. The Grumpy Old Poof would be thrown out a Hells Angels bike meet for being too masculine.
Jilly
Reply
Hi Raymond, beautiful writing. Very funny and heartwarming. Favourite line: "Everyone responds to love." Jeez, he could win the Nobel Peace Prize with that one...it really is that simple, isn't it? Enjoy your continued travels. Jilly
Raymond
Reply
Hey Jilly . I actually liked him ... he was a nice man with a bloody big fear. Nice to have you on this journey. Raymond
Julia Rowntree
Reply
Hi Raymond .. The diversity and quality of your posts is amazing... they hit on all levels... love them (and Tommies'). Very hard to ignore my pangs to return to Australia (and Tasmania).
Raymond
Reply
Hey Julie It is such a complex country. In the past five days I could write 10 blogs. Thanks you for your encouragement. I am Gundagau tonight where the Dog Sat on the Tuckerbox. The water is streaming down the Murrumbidgee towards the town I was in last night, Hay. Raymond
trish
Reply
yes, a lovely story about how our fears roadblock us. and just because he was the kind of country bloke that would help you out of a bog ( suss in this context) does not mean in another time and place he might also take part in or commend the bashing of gays. It is hard enough to deal with/own up to our own darkness. Your story helps, thanks Raymond
Raymond
Reply
Exactly.. which explains my lifelong reluctance to smile at middle class dinner parties. Niceness, which I have never displayed, always worries me. Hope you are well Trish. You are always welcome on the Ilpurla. Raymond
James
Reply
everyone responds to love - even gay people!
Raymond
Reply
Hi James.. In the original I made that point but thought I'd leave it for others to say. As you have succinctly. I could add, and Muslims. Thanks for commenting. Raymond
The Grumpy Old Poof
Reply
I refuse to respond to love. (Especially from well-meaning, non-judgemental people like Raymond.) It's demeaning, and threatens my Ozzie masculinity! Luv, Al.
Raymond
Reply
You heard it here first.
Christinehunsaker
Reply
This is one of your best stories yet! If Tommie could have talked, I am sure he would have had some good opinions to proffer and then again, he may have just told the man you were "pulling his leg".....bigotry is sad in every regard, even at middle class dinner parties (sometimes people ARE just nice, no strings attached) You are so much more clever than most people, it isn't even a fair match. Bottoms up!